Idk what I'm doing.

Ojalá entienda la forma en la qué me siento ahora. I'm so done.
Estoy tan llena de este tema, estoy cansada de escuchar el mismo círculo, creer que va a cambiar, creer que va a ser diferente, creer que se va a poder, creer que le ayudo... Fe...
Existe acaso eso? Fe? Qué es fe exactamente?
Qué significa? Qué simboliza?
Qué es esto?...
Im so done...
I'm tired.
Estoy cansada de disculpas, estoy cansada de explicaciones, estoy cansada de comprender y no poder enfocarme o caminar a mi camino, a mi futuro, a mi éxito, a mi felicidas.
...
Qué es esto?
Me acostumbre a que me adulen y me anden detrás?
Que me desesperen y me perturben?
Que me engañen?
Que desconfíen de mi?
Que duden de cada palabra que digo?
Que no me entiendan?
Que me vuelvan loca?
Que me dañen a propósito?
...
A qué me acostumbre?
Qué soy ahora?
Una persona codependiente.
Necesito que alguien esté llorando por mi?
No
Necesito que alguien me atormente?
No
...
Why I feel like something is missing?
It was obviously a damage relationship.
At the start you can't realize.
The worst part of it is that I become used to it.
I do.
I eventually like the drama and the pain...
In the time I can avoid it y feel like something is missing.
...
I'm broke...
I feel bad for what I've done to him but... What did he done to me?
I'ts work like that?
Reciving damage, giving damage.
I wasn't like this.
I hate being like this.
I hate myself always, but I hate myself the most right now.
What can I do for this to stop?
Guess what?
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing...
...
I'm trash.
What can I do to be calm? To Sleep calm?
Just pills?
Anything else?
He will be awake all the time.
He sleep all this morning.
He will go with his ex. Again.
He put the track app on his tablet and uninstalled from his phone.
I know it.
I can't trust in him.
Ever again.
...
I'm so broke.
Truly broke.
I would like to think I was this way all the time but no... I wasn't.
I don't think a human being can be this way.
Can be this sick.
Can be this heartless like he was.
And like I'm right now.
...
Still... I do this because I'm accomplishing my goal.
Im carry on my words.
And do it the right as I can.
I'm trying... I do.
At least more than him jjaja
...
I think the best thing will be go away instead stay and make more and more damage.
Being hurt this way for the both of us... this doesn't worth it.
I'm scared... of how this is gping to end.
I'm so scared...
I want this to end right now...
In the most easy way...
I want to die rn